THE FROGURT IS ALSO CURSED:
THIS WEEK IN LINKS
(OR STUFF THAT I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WRITING A FULL POST ON)

That Transformers movie sure licked my balls.


Kool-Aid sales are through the roof in San Francisco!


Big reaction to the Sebastian Telfair trade, which swings the pendulum of economic, social, and basketball power towards Minnesota. Well, there hasn't been any reaction yet, so I'm just going to link to Puppy War (holla at me Tsuki fans). But I'm guessing America's youth will be flocking to Duluth (or wherever the T-Wolves play) to get their freshly-minted Telfair jerseys.


[phone rings]
George Karl: Hello?
Mitch Kupchak: Hello, mother leopard. I have you cub. You must protect him, but that will be expensive. Ten-thousand cola nuts, wrapped in brown paper. Midnight, behind the box. I'll be the hyena. You'll see.


So my friend Ira Bonds, Barry Bonds' cousin, is kind of in a tough place right now. He's getting a lot of people throwing jars of pee at him on the streets and whatnot, because they think he's Barry, and Barry's about to get a score or something (I don't really get baseball). If my reader(s) could drop him a quick note, I think it would really life his spirits. His email address is: MyFriendIra@computer.internet.

I KNOW WHO IS GOING TO BE THE BEST FOOTBALL PLAYER EVER

Consider this free fantasy football advice: If you can get only one player in your fantasy player allocation process this summer, make it Ira Gooch.

As you surely heard about and read about and dreamed about and felt become part of your being this weekend, Gooch (warming up for his soon-to-be legendary NFL career by playing for the Arena Football League's Kansas City Brigade) caught his 100th career Arena Football League pass. And the moment it happened, this pony gained eternal life:


(However, that girl will likely never make it past age 40 because of a family history of heart disease and diabetes.)

After an unforgettable 9-catch, 115-yard, 2-TD performance on Saturday, Gooch now has 106 catches in Arena League play. To put that into context for those of you who need it because you don't understand football, greatness, or eternal life for ponies, that's more Arena League catches than:

Chad Johnson
Marvin Harrison
Jerry Rice
Lance Alworth
Red Grange
Tom Landry
Barry Bonds
Ira Bonds (Barry's cousin and my Facebook friend)
Jakob Dylan's Dad
"The Desert Fox" Erwin Rommel
The entire cast of Crossing Jordan
Spider-Man (Peter Parker or any other Spider-Men)
Jesus Christ

OMG WHAT A CRAZY WEEK!!!!!

I know, I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm back. Things have just been so crazy lately and I'm totally stressed.

As you know, this blog is just blowing up and everyone is totally stoked on me. But my Facebook friend Ira Bonds and I had a big fight because while we were at the pitch-and-putt my best friend Tad said he thought Ira's cousin Barry Bonds was eating steroids and I didn't take Ira's side. It was totally awkward being in the middle there because I love Tad and I love Ira too and I want them to get along so much. OMG OMG OMG!

So I'm sorry, and I'll post more now. TTYL OMG BFF!

SPRING MEANS BUTCH HUSKEY

Remember this fresh-faced youngster? In the mid-90's, Butch Huskey was to spring training what God is to church, or something along those lines. And like all great athletes, he called it quits at age 29 when he was well past his prime.

We gave Butch a call recently to ask about life after baseball and what he thinks of Simpsons seasons 10-18, which pretty much suck.

Butch: Hello?
SHFSB: Hi, Butch Huskey please.
Butch: Who?
SHFSB: Butch.
Butch: There's no one hear by that name.
SHFSB: Oh. I see.
Butch: Is this Steve?
SHFSB: Yeah. Ira? Ira Bonds?
Butch: Yeah.
SHFSB: Sorry. I thought I was calling Butch Huskey, who was to spring training what God was to church.
Butch: Oh yeah, whatever happened to that guy?
SHFSB: Don't know. That's why I'm calling him. How's Barry?
Butch: Good. He and the Giants do this American Idol thing during spring training that's so silly and crazy and Barry pretended like he was Paula Abdul and he wore a wig and everything and for once it actually helped that he had breasts and it was really funny OMG LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.
SHFSB: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL OMG LOL.
Butch: You're still down for Arby's this afternoon, yes?
SHFSB: Five roast beef sandwiches for $5.95? Just try to stop me friend of friends. TTYL BFF.

So there you go. My good Facebook friend Ira Bonds, Barry's cousin, and I are going to Arby's this afternoon.

BARRY BONDS = NOT SPECIAL















Well, all the home runs and stuff are. And even before he naturally doubled in size sometime in his early 30's he was actually very special. And even as a kid he was very special because his dad was an awesome baseball player. But Barry Bonds is not special for receiving death threats, as he told some radio show that no one listens to.

Every professional athlete gets death threats. My aunt threatens to stab Orioles back-up catcher Paul Bako in the leg on the third Tuesday of every month. The crazy guy on Houston and Crosby with the orange footy pajamas threatened to kill me the other day if I didn't stop dribbling my basketball down the street.

The real loser in all this is manager Bruce Bochy. His size 14 head is no match for Bonds. And these Barry Bonds death threats are destroying him. Look at the picture of that care-free and seemingly confused young man from 1970's on the left. Now look at current day Bochy on the right. It's almost as if time has aged him somehow. He looks like Dennis Miller. But he's probably funnier than Dennis Miller.

(FULL DISCLAIMER: I have a ton of Barry Bonds rookie cards that I need to unload, so let's say we all help in driving that market back up. Also, Barry's cousin Ira Bonds is one of my Facebook friends.)