WHY GOD CREATED THE NBA DRAFT LOTTERY

First of all, the next person who says the NBA doesn't need a draft lottery is getting punched in some body part to be determined.

The NBA Draft is not the NFL Draft for numerous reasons. In the NBA, one player can make a much larger impact than a single NFL player can make.

And more importlantly: In the NBA the No. 1 overall pick will take up only a small portion of his team's cap room thank to the rookie salary scale.

In the NFL, top 5 picks eat up an absurd amount of cap space. It's why no one would trade up with Detroit to take Calvin Johnson, despite Johnson being considered the closest thing maybe ever to a "can't-miss" prospect. Because, if a top pick doesn't make a significant impact, you just pissed away a staggering amount of money.

In the NBA, you're essentially adding a player for free. If there were no lottery, then any team not guaranteed to be a title contender should be trying to go 0-82. Except for the Knicks, because Isiah will have pissed away all their draft picks and cap room anyway.

Okay, it looks like we have our first question for the mailbag. And I mean ever; I do not have an email account:

Why doesn't the NBA let us watch the Lottery?
Wiley R. (Statesboro, Georgia)

it's because the NBA no longer uses the little ping pong balls with team logos. They use a bunch of numbered balls, and each lottery team has multiple four-digit combinations assigned to them. It's like the Play 4 thing that I never win because the state lottery is totally fixed.

So why not just televise the numbers popping up and make public the list of team combinations? Because it would be shitty TV. Crossing Jordan shitty. And the biggest reason the NBA has a Draft Lottery is not to ensure competitive integrity late in the season, but because it's a television event that will draw viewers, and draw journalists to write about it for a week before and a week after.

There's drama in the opening of envelopes. I see it every day at the post office that I hang out at
because I don't have a job or friends and the smell of envelope glue kind of makes me high and people get all uptight when I ask them if I can seal their envelopes for them.

It's highly unlikely that Stern is still fixing the lottery, because he'd have to have every owner and team exec on board with the plan. And Stern has too many owners he can't control. Mark Cuban (DOOOOOOOOORK) would be putting it all over his "web log" (DOOOOOOOOORK) if those kinds of shenanigans going on.

And a different Wiley R. of Statesboro, Georgia writes in:

If the Hawks landed outside the top 3, they would have gotten Atlanta's pick. If the lottery isn't fixed, then how did the Suns get screwed for badmouthing Stu Jackson just because he ruined an entire NBA season?

The Suns actually make out better without getting that pick in the 2007 Draft.

If they don't pay a first-round pick this year (say they take Tiago Splitter and Rudy Fernandez with their two first-rounders and leave them in Europe next season), the Suns aren't THAT far into luxury tax territory. If they had a lottery pick, they wouldn't be able to take a draft-and-stash guy, therefore forcing them to deal Shawn Marion or Amare Stoudemire in order to avoid paying Jim Dolan-type luxury tax cash.

If owner Robert Sarver isn't a total deuche, he'll suck it up and pay a little luxury tax to keep last year's team in tact (since they were Stu Jackson retardation away from a title this year, and the Steve Nash title window is closing). Or, if he is a total deuche, they could trade Kurt Thomas and his expiring contract, and try to add an NBA-ready, defensive-minded big with one of their two first-rounders, more than likely keeping them under the cap.

Then, next year Phoenix gets the Hawks' pick unprotected. And is Atlanta really going to be much better than last year? There's a decent chance it becomes the No. 1 pick of the draft.

For Phoenix to keep the pick this year, it would have had to be between 4 and 7. There are three guys in the '07 Draft (Greg Oden, Kevin Durant, and Brandan Wright) who are virtual locks to be better than anyone coming out next year. And the only guy who eats the amount of lead paint chips that would cause someone to pass on Brandan Wright at No. 3 is Hawks GM Billy Knight, so there's no way Phoenix could have landed Wright.

So Phoenix now gets another shot at the title next year, add a high lottery pick in the '08 Draft to replace Marion or Stoudemire, and contend until Nash can no longer walk.

And here's how Portland becomes the NBA's next superpower:

1. June 28, 2007: Draft Greg Oden.

2. Janury 24, 2009: Trade Darius Miles, Zach Randolph, and Joel Przybilla to New York Knicks for Steve Francis, Stephon Marbury, Malik Rose, and unprotected No. 1 pick.

3. July 1, 2009: Allow contracts of Francis, Marbury, and Rose to expire.

4. July 16, 2009: Use new-found cap room to sign free agent Deron Williams to start alongside Oden, Brandon Roy, and LaMarcus Aldridge.

5. 2010-2020: Win 10 consecutive NBA championships.

NO, NO, NO. THE KNICKS ARE JUST SHITTY

If you missed it, the latest unsportsmanlike behavior making victims of the Knickerbockers was the Bulls reenacting the dunk contest in order to get their fans free Big Macs. And then Nate Robinson and Steve Francis were all like "hey, how rude of you to consistently throw that basketball through that cylinder thing repeatedly, because our team doesn't have the ability to do that."

Which brings us to the main point here. It's weird how the Knicks seem to be constantly shedding tears about teams running up the score on them. You'd think that the best way to prevent that would be to not fall behind by 30 in the second half. The Knicks are just shitty. And they're going to be shitty as long as Isiah Thomas is a part of the franchise.

The most awesomest excuse for the Knicks struggling to avoid 50 losses while playing in a division that includes a team that was actually decimated by injuries (Nets), a team that blew up their roster and traded their franchise player before the new year (76ers), and a team that's been taking since last July (Celtics) is definitely the OMG THEY'VE HAD SO MANY INJURIES BRB TTYL. They lost Jamal Crawford and David Lee, two guys who would be hard-pressed to break into the rotation for any playoff team. They lost Quentin Richardson, who they were only able to add in the first place because Phoenix knew he has the back of a 98-year-old. And now that the season is over, they lost Stephon Marbury, whose skills have diminished so much that not even he can convince himself that he's good.

You want to see a team that's battled injuries. Try Phoenix. Check out this 2006-07 injury list:

Steve Nash (back)
Amare Stoudemire (knee)
Shawn Marion (hand)
Kurt Thomas (elbow)
Boris Diaw (Pastry Addiction)
Sean Marks (Leprosy)
Pat Burke (Pac-Man Fever)
Jalen Rose (Achy-Breaky Pelvis)
Jumaine Jones (Hot Dog Fingers)
Eric Piatkowski (Geriatric Profanity Disorder)