BOSTON CELTICS GAMES ARE WICKED GOOD

I hereby proclaim the 2006-07 Boston Celtics "Awesome."

And not for their play on the court, where GM Danny Ainge has been battling former teammate and T-Wolves GM Kevin McHale for NBA's biggest dickhole as their respective teams tank the season in an attempt to win the Draft Lottery (karma, if you were ever needed, it's May 22).

It's for that ambiance that only Celtics magic can bring.

Look at that mascot in that picture. That's wacky and crazy! Those aren't normal sized hands, are they! And he's wearing sunglasses indoors! And were you wondering why he's so crazy and wacky? Go to his official bio!

LUCKY, the Celtics mascot, is anything but your traditional Leprechaun.

OMG, he isn't?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Although he does possess the mischievous traits and elusive tendencies of most leprechauns, he appears to be more of a young man with the energy of a 10-year-old boy.

Wow, I can't even imagine a ... young man with the... energy of... a 10-year-old boy?

While many believe LUCKY used his fairy-like powers to track down the fountain of youth, he swears his passion for cheering on the Boston Celtics at the Fleet Center is what keeps him young.

Well, truly, the Celtics are in touch with America's youth. They're going to nail coveted 2- to 6-year-old with moderate-to-severe learning disability demographic. And the Celtics are really in touch with their major corporate sponsors, since the their home arena hasn't been called the Fleet Center since 2005.

Okay, so maybe an energetic man with giant hands whose employee bio includes the term "fairy-like" doesn't get you going. But this will: HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STAR POWER.


That, of course, is Hollywood big shot worldwide superstar Ben... something, who will be starring in a new show the Farrelly Brother's are doing for Fox. You remember the Farrelly Brothers. They made Kingpin, and Something About Mary among others. Then they moved towards drama a little bit with Outside Providence. After which they completely abandoned comedy -- and watchability -- with Fever Pitch.

And if you're anything like me, you can't wait to see the chemistry between an actor nobody's heard of, Paul Pierce, and Ryan Gomes. Athletes make the best actors. It's going to be just like an episode of "Arli$$." And with that guy doing the double point thing with his fingers and the silly face, you know he's totally funny and in no way a deuche.

Not sure what the name of this show will be, but if Karen Filippelli over there is leaving The Office to be a part of it, might I suggest it be called Career Suicide.

(Look at all that show business stuff in those last few paragraphs. I'm like Bill Simmons, but not into effeminate 80's bands and reality TV! Oh, and both pictures via Yaysports!, where we'll soon learn that the Casual Baby did indeed shoot Mamba.)